About a month ago, some of my cohort members and I went to go see Frozen 2 at a movie theater in Kigali. I am a big fan of the first Frozen movie, and honestly anything that involves Scandinavia (holla at my Denmark friends and family!).
While we were all expecting an awesome movie, I don’t think any of us were expecting it to be quite so relevant to our lives. From Olaf having multiple existential crises and debating what it means to grow into adulthood to Kristoff finding unexpected friendship…what I connected to the most was Elsa’s fight against the invisible force that was calling her to new places and new adventures, which is showcased in the killer song “Into the Unknown”. While I am sure this song is applicable to many people in many different scenarios, I felt it was truly applicable to the calling I felt last year to apply to the YAGM program.
If you had told me last year at this time that I would be living in Rwanda, I would have laughed in your face. This time last year I was working at an amazing company, I was starting to build some great friendships with my co workers, and I even had plans to move into an apartment together with one of my best friends. I had “did it”. I did what you are “supposed to do” after you graduate from college…nail down a full time job with salary and benefits and opportunity for growth. But in the back of my mind…I just had a feeling that this wasn’t it for me. I shoved this voice deep down and kept on working, because that’s crazy, right!? I had it made! I did everything right. I didn’t need anything new.
“Into the Unknown” Lyrics
“I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new
I’m afraid of what I’m risking if I follow you Into the unknown”
I had heard of YAGM multiple times throughout my life, mostly at university and through various camp friends who had done the program. It was something that always interested me, and was actually my backup plan post grad if I didn’t find a job. But I did find a job! Easy peasy. Can cross that off the list? …right? Yeah…not so easy.
The deadline for YAGM applications was in February. At this point I was 4 months into my job and feeling more and more settled…but there was still that feeling inside of me that this wasn’t for me.
As I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook one evening, I saw the post that would set everything into motion. A small little post from YAGM that applications were due in 4 days. 4. Days. The stupid little voice in my head almost screamed at me that I have to apply, and quick! The next thing I knew, I was opening the application and starting to fill it out.
“Into the Unknown” Lyrics
“What do you want? ‘Cause you’ve been keeping me awake
Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake?
Or are you someone out there who’s a little bit like me?
Who knows deep down I’m not where I’m meant to be?”
Part of me felt like I was making a big mistake. What was I doing??? Throwing away a good job with awesome benefits and amazing friends? I hadn’t even discussed this with any of my friends or family yet (sorry mom and dad!), but there I was. Applying for a program that I knew was going to massively change my trajectory in life without even discussing it with anyone. But as crazy as I felt, I kept going. Because deep down…I knew I wasn’t where I was meant to be.
Over the next few days I kept filling out the application and frantically asked people to be my references last minute, all while trying to convince my parents I was not being *totally* irrational and also keeping everything a secret from my work friends. I was a little stressed out. But also, oddly excited. As crazy as this all seemed, it also felt so right. For the first time in a long time…it truly felt like I was moving in the right direction.
I sent in my application in the nick of time, and then began the waiting game. Soon enough I had a phone interview, and shortly after was invited to go to Chicago for a weekend in April to interview for either the Rwanda or Madagascar cohort.
By the time April rolled around I had *mostly* convinced my family that this was a good idea, and I was feeling more and more sure that this was the right thing for me to do. Next, it was time for the final interviews. After a whirlwind weekend filled with canceled flights, snowstorms, interviews, discernment, connecting with old friends and meeting new friends…I was offered a place with the Rwanda cohort. When my name was read off that I would be in the Rwanda cohort, I felt excited, but overwhelmingly at peace. Something inside of me just knew this is where I was supposed to be.
“Into the Unknown” Lyrics
“Don’t you know there’s part of me that loves to go… Into the unknown”
For all of my life, I’ve always thought I was a person who doesn’t like a lot of change. I love being at home with my friends family in a routine that is familiar and comforting. But…increasingly throughout of my life I have discovered a part of me that loves to go “into the unknown”. From going out of state for college to studying abroad in a country I had never been to, to applying last minute to a program that would send me to a new country for a whole year…I think I can confidently say that there is part of me that loves the adventure of the unknown. Maybe it’s because I am still trying to “find myself” and my “purpose”…but maybe it’s just because we are all called to dive into the unknown at some point or another. If we never let ourselves be swept away into the unknown, it is impossible to find what truly makes us thrive.
As we enter into a new year and new decade, I challenge you to listen to that little voice in your head that calls you into the unknown. The “unknown” will be different for everyone. For some it may be as small as trying a new type of food that you aren’t used to. For some it may be exploring a new part of your state or country. For some it may be moving to a new country that you’ve never been to before. No matter how small or large, pushing ourselves into the unknown only helps us grow and discover who we truly are. Listen to that voice inside your head. It’s calling you to amazing adventures that you can’t even dream of. Now if only my little voice would tell me what I should do with my life after this year of service is over…but that’s a problem for another day.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout my various dives into the unknown. I wouldn’t be able to do it without you.
YAGM is currently accepting applications for the 2020-2021 service year. If you are feeling the call into the unknown (or you know a young adult that would be a good fit!) please visit https://www.elca.org/Our-Work/Global-Mission/Young-Adults-in-Global-Mission for more info and applications!
Check out the “Into the Unknown” song from Frozen 2 by the ridiculously talented Idina Menzel: https://youtu.be/gIOyB9ZXn8s
Peace,
Marie
Roaming Rwanda 
You’re amazing. I loved reading every part of this! I’m so happy you took the leap. You make the unknown less scary for the rest of us ❤️
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Your words – spoken with such clarity and conviction! Thank you for sharing with us your struggles, insights, and lingering questions. These are the issues we all face eventually. Congratulations for your decision to NOT avoid them until a more convenient time. (There will never be a more convenient time!). Our prediction: finding your voice will help others find theirs!
Love, Steve and Laura
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MARIE!
This post was simply *fantastic*. I really enjoyed reading, and I’ve been thinking about this idea a lot too–after studying abroad, I feel like in the back of my mind “all I really wanted to do” was to leave the US again. I was, and am in a lot of ways, so mad at how life is there haha. New Zealand was so life giving, I knew if I had another chance I would leave home. THAT but this experience has helped me see a new perspective too: there is so much to learn from the unknown, and we are called there in different times, yet always connected back to where we come from. In New Zealand, I got my *tat*, a symbol of being connected to home, places that feel as home, and yet always facing outward, all in balance. It seems to be a rhythm to me, being ‘where we belong,’ and also called out into the world. Makes me think of another Disney song (attached), Moana had to leave to discover/reveal another part of herself, to save her home, where she was also called back to.
At my home church, the mission/faith statement is displayed, something like:
“Called to make, build up, and send out disciples of Jesus Christ.”
Instead of a line or series of steps, I think this is more of a rhythm, we go in-between all the points as our heart calls us, you know?!
That was a lot of random ideas haha, but this post helped me process similar ideas on my heart and mind too, so murakoze cyane inshut!
Peeeaaaccee be with youuuuu ahoyyahh, Alex
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Loved this, Marie! I’m so glad you listened to that voice. Keep following God into the unknown and know that there are so many people holding you in prayer and ready to hear your stories when you return. Proud of you!
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